Up at the head table in the cafeteria, one of the nuns had placed a big
bowl of bright red, fresh, juicy apples. Beside the bowl, she placed a
note which read, "Take only one. Remember, God is watching."

At the other end of the table was a bowl full of freshly baked chocolate
chip cookies, still warm from the oven.

Beside the bowl, a little note scrawled in a child's handwriting which
read, "Take all you want. God's watching the apples."
 

Silly Quotes

"Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to."

Men, chocolate, and coffee are all better rich.

"Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

"Never think about the mistakes you made. Think about the mistakes you will make."

Best friends are the people that know all about and still put up with you!

Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.

Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film!

42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

A Laundromat:
PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHING WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

Welcome To Florida

Change The Sign

Rude Doorbell
 

 The French historian Jacque Cortier coined the phrase "World War I" in 1915 during the Battle of Verdun. Less than a year later he would be executed for "rumor mongering."

'Doogier' is Arabic for a place where thieves slept the night after robbing. It was translated as 'doogie' into English and up to 1935, it was a crime to provide 'Doogie Houser.' Ask any lawyer.

In some sub-Saharan cultures, putting live vipers in someone's bed is a token of good luck.

Developed originally as a drink flavoring, refined gasoline is now used exclusively as a fuel source.

In Italy, people use the fork once and wash it after every bite. Only rogues and cynics wash it after entire courses.

Prior to 1860, young women of marriageable status in Biloxi Mississippi, referred to themselves as 'Proper Bostonians'. The Civil War changed all of that.

'Frack' is that clear fat around a canned ham. After being removed from the can, you can call it 'flintsum.'

During the military campaigns of 1650 - 1656, English soldiers referred to the 'French War'; French soldiers used 'English War,' and the mercenary Hessian troops used 'the French and English War.'

Backerian natives, now living in Nepal, have 16 words for being crushed by an automobile. Americans have just four.

When native North American Indians first met Europeans, they thought 'cooties' were caused from horses, a mythical animal prophesied by Ancient soothsayers. They later learned about smallpox.

To 'duke it out' with someone has nothing to do with John Wayne. It has more to do with Caesar. 'Duke' is derived from Roman games when Christians, armed only with short swords, or dukakasii, would fight unarmed Nubians.

'Tommyrot' was named after a Welsh waiter that so hated his job serving Englishmen, he would put spoiled pieces of meat on their trays. This story was so unbelievable to the wealthy Londoners, they jokingly named the platter London Broil, although it's cooked now and isn't rancid.

Voltaire would don himself in his mistress clothes and work the Paris streets. That's why it took him twice as long to write 'On Politics and Nature's Freedom.'

Neither Pepsi nor Coke can be drunk by Australian aboriginal chiefs. Both trademarks translate into the nearly identical word for 'ancestor.' Hence they believe they would be drinking their ancestors; at the very least, made of the ancestors.

Totally Tattooed

Redneck Mercedes

After 6 Beers

(Anyone who has ever had a loved one in the hospital will enjoy this:)

A woman called a local Hospital

"Hello. Could you connect me to the person who gives information about patients. I'd like to find out if a patient is getting better, doing as expected, or getting worse."

The voice on the other end said,

"What is the patient's name and room number?"

"Sarah Finkel, room 302."

"I'll connect you with the Nursing station."

"3-A Nursing Station. How can I help you?"

"I'd like to know the condition of Sarah Finkel
in room 302."

"Just a moment. Let me look at her records.

Mrs. Finkel is doing very well. In fact, she's
had two full meals, her blood pressure is fine,
she is to be taken off the heart monitor in a
couple of hours and - if she continues
this improvement -

Dr. Cohen is going to send her home Tuesday
at noon."

The woman said, "What a relief! Oh, that's fantastic,
that's wonderful news!"

The Nurse said, "From your enthusiasm, I take
it you are a close family member or a very
close friend."

"Neither! I'm Sarah Finkel in 302.

Nobody here tells me shit!"

Unbelievable Size

Busy Dog

Don't Eat Mice!

Someone asked me once about people online.

Don't I find it silly to call them friends of mine?

I pondered the thought for a little while

and slung 'em a story with a huge smile.

I wake up in the morning, I'll tell you what I do.

I race to my computer to check my mail, it's perfectly true!

I open each and everyone and reply with tender care;

maybe just a a line or two to let them know I'm there!

I have seen strange things, been so many places,

have even seen a few of their online faces!

It doesn’t matter beans to me that they are far away.

Meeting' them has surely brightened up my day!

We've shared a morning coffee and at times we've shed a tear.

We've been there for each other; even played cards and drank a beer!

They are just as real to me as you are standing there.

They are always here for me with lots of love and care.

One thing online has taught me; something I'll never forget.

There's a lot of great people out there on the net!

How can you be friends with someone you've never met?

I'll smile and tell them, "You've never been online I bet!"

So you can find me silly if that's what ya wanna do,

but I care for them every bit as much as I care for you!

I just want all you..my wonderful friends here at tblog to know how much I love you all and care about you.I also am blessed to know how much some of you care about me.

Thank You!

One of my tblog friends said I was overdue for a serious post,so here it is.I was up till 4am vomitting everything that I think I had in my stomach for the last 2 days,or at least it felt that way!

I was so up and feeling great over the weekend,with getting my new car and no worries or problems.Then I read a post about a friend of Snuggles being killed over in Iraq,which got me down and then I started thinking about death and losing those that we love and miss.
Which brought my dad to mind.It's that time of the year where I get like this anyway,with the holidays approaching and him not here.I wanted so for him to see my new car.Halloween is coming and when I was a little girl he would take me by the hand and take me door to door in our neighborhood trick or treating.
Then we would hurry home and dump everything on the dining room table and I sat impatiently as he checked each and every piece of candy and gum,the homemade bags with cookies and apples.Then when he said it was ok to eat,we would both sit and dig into it..lol.

Thanksgiving was one of the best too as I would stand by his side as he carved the turkey that looked as good as the ones you see in magazines,and he would give me a taste of the first piece he sliced.
Then there was Christmas,we would go shopping together and get Mom something very special.

We would decorate the tree together and everything had to be just perfect on the tree,which meant sometimes it would take us hours to get it done,but when it was we would stand back,turn out all the lights and my dad would light the tree and it was beautiful.

I know from being raised as a christian that my dad is helping to make our eternal home a beautiful place to go someday,but it still doesn't make the loneliness or pain of missing him any less.
My dad wouldn't want me to be so sad,and this will pass only because I hold all the wonderful memories of him to close to my heart and that helps me get through it,but my dad was a dear friend as well as a good dad and I miss you daddy.

There is a great blog by Rand that I visit each day to read his wonderful post that are so encouraging and inspiring to me.

Well that is about it for now as I am going to rest and hope this stomach flu and my mellow mood pass soon.

Be good to those around you,give your parents,friend,whoever it may be a hug..tell them you love them..don't stay mad,because we never know how long our time here is.

Miller beer was named after the company founder Frederick Miller. In 1903, when Miller's son, Carl, sought a new name for the light-colored pilsner, his wife's uncle, Ernst Miller, chanced upon a building down in New Orleans called High Life Cigars. The Miller Brewing Company paid $25,000 for the factory and the right to use the name.

During the Inca empire in Cuzco, Peru, beer made from maize was a luxury served by the state on ceremonial occasions.

The Pilgrims landed at Plymouth Rock in December 1620, because, in the words of a diarist aboard the Mayflower, "We could not now take time for further search or consideration, our victuals being much spent, especially our beere."

George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, and William Penn brewed beer on their estates.

Miller Brewing, founded twenty-one years before the first Budweiser was brewed in 1876, is the world's third largest beer producer (after Anheuser-Busch and Heineken).

In 1855, Frederick Miller established a beautifully landscaped 20-acre beer garden in Milwaukee that attracted weekend crowds for bowling, dancing, fine lunches and old fashioned "gemutlichkeit." The garden caught fire on July 4, 1891, and was ultimately torn down in1909.

In 1850, Frederick Charles Best and his brother dug tunnels in the hills behind the Plank Road Brewery to store beer in the days before refrigeration. When Frederick Miller bought the brewery five years later, he expanded the tunnels to a total of 600 feet-enough to store 12,000 barrels of beer. With the advent of refrigeration, the brewery abandoned the caves until 1952, when a portion of the caves opened to tourists through the Miller Caves Museum.

Hollywood actor Arthur Franz portrayed Miller Brewing Company founder Frederick Miller in a 48-minute commercial film, With This Ring, produced in 1955. The movie, filmed in Hollywood, Milwaukee and Sigmaringen, Germany, followed the story of a fictitious "brewer's ring" allegedly passed on from generation to generation over the 100-year history of the Miller Brewing Company.

Beer is 92 percent water.

Beer accounts for nearly 87 percent of all alcohol beverages consumed in the United States. The average American drinks approximately 23 gallons of beer every year.

According to New York's Simmons Market Research Bureau, 55.1 percent of all beer drinkers surveyed in 1985 were college educated, while 38.9 percent of all beer drinkers were high school dropouts.

Redneck Race Fan

David and Goliath

Introducing The BS Protector!

Well this post is a little different for me..but I am so happy and excited that I have to share it with all my blogging friends. I got a new car on Saturday..Well its not brand new but new to me.I got a 2003 Neon SXT..it has 30,000 miles and in really excellent shape.My old Betsy was on her last miles and I really needed a new car..then I found this car and the price was right..one I can afford and still with gas prices kinda high will be able to fill the gas tank..hehe.

So here is pictures of my new car when it was sitting on the car dealership's lot...but now it is sitting in my driveway...Woo Hoo!!

AIR CONDITIONING ALLOY WHEELS AM/FM STEREO RADIO
BODY SIDE MOLDINGS CARPETING CD PLAYER
CENTER ARM REST CLOCK CLOTH UPHOLSTERY
CONSOLE COURTESY LIGHTS DAY/NIGHT LEVER
DRIVER SIDE AIR BAG DRIVER SIDE REMOTE MIRROR DUAL SPORT MIRRORS
FLOOR MATS FRONT BUCKET SEATS GAUGE CLUSTER
INTERVAL WIPERS KEYLESS ENTRY MAP LIGHTS
PASSENGER SIDE AIR BAG POWER BRAKES POWER DOOR LOCKS
POWER STEERING POWER WINDOWS RADIAL TIRES
REAR DEFROSTER REAR SPOILER RECLINING SEATS
TACHOMETER TILT STEERING WHEEL TINTED GLASS
TRIP ODOMETER VANITY MIRROR

In the year 2004, The Lord came unto Noah and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save two of every living thing along with a few good humans." He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have six months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights".

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard .... but no ark.

"Noah", He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"

"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah. "But things have changed. I needed a building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision. Then Transportion and the Departments of Highways and Hydro demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power, trolley and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I argued that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.

Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls. But no go!

When I started gathering the animals, I got sued by an animal rights group. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. As well, they argued the accommodation was too restrictive and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.

Then the Environment board ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.

I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.

Also, the trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark building experience.

To make matters worse, the Customs and Revenue Agency seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.

So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least ten years for me to finish this Ark."

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky.

Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to destroy the world?".

"No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it."

21st Century Redneck Sweeper

The American Way

One Pumpkin To Another

A woman was asked by a coworker, "What is it like to be a Christian?"

The coworker replied, "It is like being a pumpkin." God picks you from the patch, brings you in, and washes all the dirt off of you.  Then He cuts off the top and scoops out all the yucky stuff.

He removes the seeds of doubt, hate, and greed. Then He carves you a new smiling face and puts His light inside of you to shine for all the world to see."

This was passed on to me by another pumpkin. Now it's your turn to pass it to other pumpkins.

I liked this enough to share it with all the pumpkins in my patch.

************************* ************************

Hot Deal

Yankee Go Home?

Think It Will Work..lol.

    & nbsp;  For those of you who just thought
    & nbsp;  you knew everything,
    & nbsp;  here's a refresher course...
    & nbsp; ************************* ***************

    & nbsp;   Pearls melt in vinegar.

    & nbsp;  ************************* ***************
    & nbsp; 
    & nbsp;  The three most valuable brand names on earth:
    & nbsp;  Marlboro, Coca Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.

    & nbsp;  ************************* ***************

    & nbsp;  It is possible to lead a cow upstairs...
    & nbsp;  but not downstairs?
 
    & nbsp; ************************* ***************

    & nbsp;  Oak trees do not produce acorns
    & nbsp;  until they are fifty (50) years of age or older.

    & nbsp; 

 
    & nbsp;  ******************* *********************

    & nbsp;  A duck's quack doesn't echo,
    & nbsp;  and no one knows why.

    & nbsp;  ************************* ***************

    & nbsp;  Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush
    & nbsp;  be kept at least six (6) feet away from
    & nbsp;  a toilet to avoid airborne particles
    & nbsp;  resulting from the flush.
    & nbsp;  (I keep my toothbrush in the living room now!)

    & nbsp; ************************* ***************

    & nbsp;  Richard Millhouse Nixon
    & nbsp;  was the first U.S. president
    & nbsp;  whose name contains all  the letters
    & nbsp;  from the word "criminal."

    & nbsp;  ************************* ***************
    & nbsp;  The second ?

    & nbsp;  ************************* *************** &nbs p;     ;
    & nbsp;  William Jefferson Clinton
    & nbsp;  (Please don't tell me you're SURPRISED!?!!)

    & nbsp;  ************************* *************** &nbs p;   
    & nbsp;  And the best for last.....
    & nbsp;  Turtles can breathe through their butts.
    & nbsp;  (I know some people like that;don't YOU?)

    & nbsp; ************************* ***************

    & nbsp;  Now you know everything
    & nbsp;  there is to know Of importance, that is !!!
    & nbsp;  Ah, how about them Oak Trees?

    & nbsp; ************************* ***************

Real Smoker

How Did He Do That?

And They Think Guy Cheerleaders Are Gay..Hah!

       For those of you who just thought
       you knew everything,
    & nbsp;  here's a refresher course...

    & nbsp;  The liquid inside young coconuts
    & nbsp;  can be used as a substitute for
    & nbsp;  blood plasma.
    & nbsp;   ************************* ********
    & nbsp;  You burn more calories sleeping
    & nbsp;  than you do watching television.

    & nbsp;  ************************* ********

    & nbsp;  The first product to have a bar code
    & nbsp;  was Wrigley's gum.
    & nbsp; ************************* *******

    & nbsp;  The king of hearts is the only king
    & nbsp;  without a mustache.

    & nbsp;  ************************* ********
    & nbsp;  American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987
    & nbsp;  by eliminating one (1) olive
    & nbsp;  from each salad served in first-class.

    & nbsp;  ************************* ************
    & nbsp; 
    & nbsp;  Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.
    & nbsp;  (Since Venus is normally associated with women,
    & nbsp;  what does this tell you!)

    & nbsp;  ************************* ************
    & nbsp;  
    & nbsp;  Apples, not caffeine,
    & nbsp;  are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.

    & nbsp;   ************************* **********

    & nbsp;  Most dust particles in your house are made from
    & nbsp;  dead skin.
    & nbsp;  ************************* *************

    & nbsp;   The first owner of the Marlboro Company
    & nbsp;  died of lung cancer.
    & nbsp;  So did the  first "MarlboroMan."

    & nbsp;  ************************* *************
    & nbsp;  
    & nbsp;  Walt Disney was afraid of mice.

    & nbsp; ************************* *************
    & nbsp;  
    & nbsp;  Pearls melt in vinegar.

    & nbsp;  ************************* ************
    & nbsp;  
    & nbsp;  The three most valuable brand names on earth:
    & nbsp;  Marlboro, Coca Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.

    & nbsp;  ************************* *************
     More Facts Tomorrow...Check Back!

Men's Favorite Dessert

Symbol Of Marriage

Hotdogs?

1. The Bible, the world's best-selling book, is also the world's most shoplifted book.

2. Someone paid $14,000 for the bra worn by Marilyn Monroe in the film 'Some Like It Hot'.

3. Your tongue is the only muscle in your body that is attached at only one end.

4. More than 1,000 different languages are spoken on the continent of Africa.

5. In the U.S.A over eleven thousand people (up until the end of 2003) have visited a tortilla chip that appears to have the face of Jesus Christ burned into it?

6. A kiss lasting one minute can burn more than 30 calories.

7. Buckingham Palace in England has over six hundred rooms.

8. There was once an undersea post office in the Bahamas.

9. Abraham Lincoln's mother died when she drank the milk of a cow that grazed on poisonous snakeroot.

10. After the death of Albert Einstein his brain was removed by a pathologist and put in a jar for future study.

Redneck Pumpkin

Now That's A Scary One

Montana Pumpkin

Halloween is an annual celebration, but just what is it actually a celebration of? And how did this peculiar custom originate? Is it, as some claim, a kind of demon worship? Or is it just a harmless vestige of some ancient pagan ritual?

The word itself, "Halloween," actually has its origins in the Catholic Church. It comes from a contracted corruption of All Hallows Eve. November 1, "All Hollows Day" (or "All Saints Day"), is a Catholic day of observance in honor of saints. But, in the 5th century BC, in Celtic Ireland, summer officially ended on October 31. The holiday was called Samhain (sow-en), the Celtic New year. 

One story says that, on that day, the disembodied spirits of all those who had died throughout the preceding year would come back in search of living bodies to possess for the next year. It was believed to be their only hope for the afterlife. The Celts believed all laws of space and time were suspended during this time, allowing the spirit world to intermingle with the living.

Naturally, the still-living did not want to be possessed. So on the night of October 31, villagers would extinguish the fires in their homes, to make them cold and undesirable. They would then dress up in all manner of ghoulish costumes and noisily paraded around the neighborhood, being as destructive as possible in order to frighten away spirits looking for bodies to possess.

Probably a better explanation of why the Celts extinguished their fires was not to discourage spirit possession, but so that all the Celtic tribes could relight their fires from a common source, the Druidic fire that was kept burning in the Middle of Ireland, at Usinach.

Some accounts tell of how the Celts would burn someone at the stake who was thought to have already been possessed, as sort of a lesson to the spirits. Other accounts of Celtic history debunk these stories as myth. 

The Romans adopted the Celtic practices as their own. But in the first century AD, Samhain was assimilated into celebrations of some of the other Roman traditions that took place in October, such as their day to honor Pomona, the Roman goddess of fruit and trees. The symbol of Pomona is the apple, which might explain the origin of our modern tradition of bobbing for apples on Halloween.

The thrust of the practices also changed over time to become more ritualized. As belief in spirit possession waned, the practice of dressing up like hobgoblins, ghosts, and witches took on a more ceremonial role.

The custom of Halloween was brought to America in the 1840's by Irish immigrants fleeing their country's potato famine. At that time, the favorite pranks in New England included tipping over outhouses and unhinging fence gates.

The custom of trick-or-treating is thought to have originated not with the Irish Celts, but with a ninth-century European custom called souling. On November 2, All Souls Day, early Christians would walk from village to village begging for "soul cakes," made out of square pieces of bread with currants. The more soul cakes the beggars would receive, the more prayers they would promise to say on behalf of the dead relatives of the donors. At the time, it was believed that the dead remained in limbo for a time after death, and that prayer, even by strangers, could expedite a soul's passage to heaven.

 The Jack-o-lantern custom probably comes from Irish folklore. As the tale is told, a man named Jack, who was notorious as a drunkard and trickster, tricked Satan into climbing a tree. Jack then carved an image of a cross in the tree's trunk, trapping the devil up the tree. Jack made a deal with the devil that, if he would never tempt him again, he would promise to let him down the tree.

According to the folk tale, after Jack died, he was denied entrance to Heaven because of his evil ways, but he was also denied access to Hell because he had tricked the devil. Instead, the devil gave him a single ember to light his way through the frigid darkness. The ember was placed inside a hollowed-out turnip to keep it glowing longer.

The Irish used turnips as their "Jack's lanterns" originally. But when the immigrants came to America, they found that pumpkins were far more plentiful than turnips. So the Jack-O-Lantern in America was a hollowed-out pumpkin, lit with an ember.

 So, although some cults may have adopted Halloween as their favorite "holiday," the day itself did not grow out of evil practices. It grew out of the rituals of Celts celebrating a new year, and out of Medieval prayer rituals of Europeans. And today, even many churches have Halloween parties or pumpkin carving events for the kids. After all, the day itself is only as evil as one cares to make it.

Looks Like Peter Pumpkin Partied To Much

I Think This Means No Candy!

The Popsicle was invented by 11 year-old Frank Epperson in 1905. He left his drink outside with a stir stick in it and he noticed that it had frozen. He applied for a patent in 1923 and named it "Epsicle." The name was later changed to Popsicle.

The world’s youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910.

Pain travels through your body at 350 ft. per second.

Pageant Models often smear Vaseline on their teeth so their lips won't stick when smiling.

First four countries to have television: England, the U.S., the U.S.S.R., and Brazil.

About 2/3 of American men prefer boxers to briefs.

The U.S. has more bagpipe bands than Scotland does.

A sneeze can travel as fast as 100 miles per hour.

Bill Gates' house was designed using a Macintosh computer.

Why Cloning Should Be Illegal

Check Out These Helicracks

Ultimate Redneck Outhouse

Useless But Interesting Facts.

Honey is the only food that does not spoil. Honey found in the tombs of Egyptian pharaohs has been tasted by archaeologists and found edible.

Months that begin on a Sunday will always have a "Friday the 13th."
 
Coca-Cola would be green if colouring weren’t added to it.

On average a hedgehog's heart beats 300 times a minute.

The average lead pencil will draw a line 35 miles long or write approximately 50,000 English words.

More people are allergic to cow's milk than any other food.

Camels have three eyelids to protect themselves from blowing sand.

The placement of a donkey's eyes in its' heads enables it to see all four feet at all times!

The six official languages of the United Nations are: English, French, Arabic, Chinese, Russian and Spanish.

Earth is the only planet not named after a god.

It's against the law to burp, or sneeze in a church in Nebraska, USA.

You're born with 300 bones, but by the time you become an adult, you only have 206.

Some worms will eat themselves if they can't find any food!

Dolphins sleep with one eye open!

The worlds oldest piece of chewing gum is 9000 years old!

The longest recorded flight of a chicken is 13 seconds

Queen Elizabeth I regarded herself as a paragon of cleanliness. She declared that she bathed once every three months, whether she needed it or not

Slugs have 4 noses.

Owls are the only birds who can see the colour blue.

A man named Charles Osborne had the hiccups for 69 years!

A giraffe can clean its ears with its 21-inch tongue!

The average person laughs 10 times a day!

Retirement Home For Heroes(This is for Surrogate)

When Snomen Go Bad

Hair is the fastest growing tissue in the body, second only to bone marrow.

35 meters of hair fibre is produced every day on the average adult scalp.

The average scalp has 100,000 hairs. Redheads have the least at 80,000; brown and black haired persons have about 100,000; and blondes have the most at 120,000.

90% of scalp hairs are growing and 10% are resting.

It is normal to lose 100 hairs per day from the scalp.

You must lose over 50% of your scalp hairs before it is apparent to anyone.

Many drugs can cause hair loss.

Thyroid imbalance and iron deficiency are reversible causes for hair loss.

Over 50% of men by age 50 have male pattern hair loss.

Forty percent of women by the time they reach menopause will have female pattern (hereditary) hair loss.

Make Your Move Already

Big Mouth

Dear God,Thank You For The Treats We Are About To Receive

Tongue-Tying Tongue Twisters to Twist Your Tongue a Ton

Oh no! An onion's annoyed! If a noisy noise annoys an onion, an annoying noisy noise annoys an onion more!

Please peel this peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked.

Surely Shirley shall sell Sheila's seashells by the seashore.

Which witch wishes to switch a witch wristwatch for a Swiss wristwatch?

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

Knapsack
strap
snap.
    
The skunk sat on a stump and thunk the stump stunk, but the stump thunk the skunk stunk.

The butter Betty Botter bought could make her batter bitter, so she thought she'd better buy some better butter!

Not many an anemone is enamored of an enemy anemone.

Five fine Florida florists fried fresh flat flounder fish fillet.

A three-toed tree toad loved a two-toed he-toad that lived in a too-tall tree.

Red rubber baby buggy bumpers bounce.

You like
unique
New York.
    & nbsp; 
The sick sixth Sheik's sixth sheep's sick.

The instinct of an extinct insect stinks.

Growing gray goats graze great green grassy groves.

Green
Greek
grapes.
    & nbsp; 
Imagine managing the manger at an imaginary menagerie.

Mix a box of mixed biscuits with a boxed biscuit mixer.

A cuckoo cookie cook called Cooper could cook cuckoo cookies.

On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.

On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap.

On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost.

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert:(printed on bottom of the box) Do not turn upside down.

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating.

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body.

On Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery.

On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness.

On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning keep out of children.

On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only.

On a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use.

On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts.

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.

On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.

On a child's superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.

In Charge

That is Talent!

For People On The Go!

n California Cats and Dogs are required by law to have a permit before having sex.

In Florida it is Illegal to wear a swimming costume in a public place whilst singing.

In Ohio it is Illegal to sell Beer if you are wearing a Santa Suit. It is also Illegal if your dog is the one wearing a Santa suit whilst you sell Beer.

In Virginia a law states that all bath tubs must be used outside of the house and not inside.

In Canada it is Illegal to ride a car on a Sunday after eating garlic.
 
In Michigan it is Illegal for a women to cut off her hair without her huspands permision first.

In Virginia it is Illegal to spit.

In New York there is a law that states that it is Illegal to commit a crime.

In Kentuky it is Illegal to carry an ice cream cone in your pocket.
 
Also in Kentuky it is Illegal if you dont have at least one bath a year.

In Alaska it is Illegal to look at a moose whilst sitting in a flying vehicle.

In Atlanta it is Illegal to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or Lampost.

In New york it is Illegal to shoot a rabbit from a shopping trolley.
 
In Britain a man can beat his wife up as long as he does it after 9pm in the evening.

In France there is a law that states that it is Illegal for a flying saucer to land on the street.

In Massachusetts it is Illegal to sell suntan lotion after noon on a Sunday.

Out For Drying(This is LadyVernom's Style)

Party To Go(Nate Style..haha)

Wedding Cake Topper

You may not know this but many nonliving things have a gender.

1) Ziploc Bags are Male, because they hold everything
in, but you can see right through them.

2) Copiers are Female, because once turned off, it
takes a while to warm them up again. It's an effective
reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed,
but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.

3) A Tire is Male, because it goes bald and it's often
over-inflated.

4) A Hot Air Balloon is Male, because, to get it to go
anywhere, you have to light a fire under it, and of
course, there's that hot air part.

5) Sponges are Female, because they're soft,
squeezable and retain water.

6) A Web Page is Female, because it's always getting hit on.

7) A Subway is Male, because it uses the same old
lines to pick people up.

8) An Hourglass is Female, because over time, the
weight shifts to the bottom.

9) A Hammer is Male, because it hasn't changed much
over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have
around.

10) A Remote Control is Female. Ha! You thought it'd
be male , didn't you? But consider this - it gives a
man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he
doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he
keeps trying!

Kevin discovers the real pot at the end of the rainbow!

Working New Moms innovative solutions

Funky Condos

THE LAW IS THE LAW

So if the US government determines that it is against the law for the words "under God" to be on our money, then, so be it.

And if that same government decides that the "Ten Commandments" are not to be used in or on a government installation, then, so be it.

And since they already have prohibited any prayer in the schools, on which they deem their authority, then so be it.

I say, "so be it," because I would like to be a law abiding US citizen.

I say, "so be it," because I would like to think that smarter people than I are in positions to make good decisions.

I would like to think that those people have the American Publics' best interests at heart.

BUT, YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE I'D LIKE?

Since we can't pray to God, can't Trust in God and cannot Post His Commandments in Government buildings,

I don't believe the Government and it's employees should participate in the Easter and Christmas celebrations which honor the God that our government is eliminating from many facets of American life.

I'd like my mail delivered on Christmas, Good Friday, Thanksgiving &Easter. After all, it's just another day.

I'd like the US Supreme Court to be in session on Christmas, Good Friday, Thanksgiving &Easter as well as Sundays. After all, it's just another day.

I'd like the Senate and the House of Representatives to not have to worry about getting home for the "Christmas Break." After all it's just another day.

I'm thinking that a lot of my taxpayer dollars could be saved, if all government offices &services would work on Christmas, Good Friday &Easter.

It shouldn't cost any overtime since those would be just like any other day of the week to a government that is trying to be "politically correct."

In fact....

I think that our government should work on Sundays (initially set aside for worshipping God...) because, after all, our government says that it should be just another day....

What do you all think????

If this idea gets to enough people, maybe our elected officials will stop giving in to the minority opinions and begin, once again, to represent the 'majority' of ALL of the American people.

SO BE IT...........

Please Dear Lord, Give us the help needed to keep you in our country!

'Amen' and 'Amen'

Through A Mans Mind

Can You Find The Other 4 Wolves In The Mountain?

How Many Legs Does This Elephant Have?

Things We Need To Know About Men
 
1. Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.

2. Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

3. Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible. In a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle.

4. Men are very confident people. My husband is so confident that when he watches sports on television, he thinks that if he concentrates he can help his team. If the team is in trouble, he coaches the players from our living room, and if they're really in trouble, I have to get off the phone in case they call him.

5. Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.

6. Men love to be the first to read the newspaper in the morning. Not being the first is upsetting to their psyches.

7. All men are afraid of eyelash curlers. So sleep with one under your pillow, instead of a gun.

8. A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.

9. All men hate to hear, "We need to talk about our relationship." These seven words strike fear in the heart of even General Schwarzkopf.

10. Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.

11. Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy.

12. Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.

13. Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've never seen a man walk into a party and say "Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed; get me out of here. There's another man wearing a black tuxedo."

14. Most men hate to shop. That's why the men's department is usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches from the door.

15. If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce, you should be worried about him.

16. No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.

17. When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.

18. When four or more women get together, they talk about men.

19. Men are less sentimental than women. No man has ever seen the movie "The Way We Were" twice, voluntarily.

20. Most women are introspective: "Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled?" Most men are outrospective: "Did my team win? How's my car?"

21. If a man says, "I'll call you," and he doesn't, he didn't forget. He didn't lose your number. He didn't die. He just didn't want to call you.

22. Getting rid of a man without hurting his masculinity is a problem. "Get out" and "I never want to see you again" might sound like a challenge. If you want to get rid of a man, I suggest saying, "I love you; I want to marry you; I want to have your children." Sometimes they leave so fast, they leave skid marks.

23. Men are self confident because they grow up identifying with super heroes. Women have bad self images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.

24. Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. With male menopause, you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles.

25. Men forget everything; women remember everything. That's why men need instant replays in sports. They've already forgotten what happened.

A Man's Pumpkin

The Simpson Gang

Police At Work

Beware of...

THE ALGORE Virus.... (Causes your computer to just keep counting and
counting and counting and counting)

THE CLINTON Virus....(Gives you a 7-Inch Hard Drive with NO memory)

THE BOB DOLE (aka: VIAGRA) virus... (Makes a new hard drive out of a
floppy)

THE LEWINSKY virus... (Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then
Emails everyone about what it did)

THE RONALD REAGAN virus.... (Saves your data, but forgets where it is
stored)

THE MIKE TYSON virus.... (Quits after two bytes)

THE OPRAH WINFREY virus.... (Your 300mb hard drive shrinks to 100mb,
then slowly expands to restabilize around 200mb)

THE JACK KEVORKIAN virus... (Deletes all old files)

THE ELLEN DEGENERES virus... (Disks can no longer be inserted)

THE PROZAC virus... (Totally screws up your RAM, but your processor
doesn't care)

THE JOEY BUTTAFUOCO virus... (Only attacks minor files)

THE ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER virus... (Terminates some files, leaves, but
will be back)and my personal favorite

THE LORENA BOBBITT virus... (Reformats your hard drive into a 3.5 inch
floppy, then discards it through Windows)

That's A Big Snake!

Snowmen Party

Redneck Chess